Dating a non-believer || 跟非信徒谈恋爱

Is it ok for a Christian to date a non-believer?
信徒可以跟非信徒谈恋爱吗？

—

T.S. and her husband have been married for 17 years and they have 3 daughters. Here is what she has to say:
T.S.和丈夫已经结婚17年，育有3个女儿。她是这么说的:

Why would you want to?
为什么要跟非信徒谈恋爱呢？

The Bible describes unbelievers as lawless, darkened, hard-hearted, blind, idolatrous, enemies of God, deceptively charming, fleeting in beauty and their righteousness is like filthy rags.  Ouch!  It sounds harsh but this is what the Bible says.  Do we really believe God?  This description is the truth and reality about who we all are before Christ rescues us.  It is not until we are saved by Jesus that we start to learn how to sacrificially love others rather than ‘love’ with selfish motives.  An unbeliever is utterly incapable of loving you as you desire and are created to want love.  The Bible says a person who ‘fears the Lord is to be praised’ not someone who is attractive, charming or who makes me feel good about myself.  Isn’t that the kind of person you want to look for to date?  A Christian whose supreme treasure is Christ cannot find deep union and common purpose with a non-believer who’s supreme treasure and purpose is something other than Christ.  You’re moving in two completely different directions!

圣经用不法的、昏昧的、心地刚硬的、瞎眼的、拜偶像的和神的仇敌来描述不信的人。他们的魅力是虚假的，他们的美丽转瞬即逝，他们的义就像破抹布一样。哎呀！听起来这么苛刻，但圣经就是这么说的。我们真相信神吗？在耶稣救赎我们之前，这就是我们的现实，这些描述是真实的。直到耶稣救赎我们，我们才开始学习以牺牲的爱来爱别人，而不是怀着自私的动机来”爱“别人。神创造你想要拥有爱、渴望爱，而一个不信主的人根本没有能力这样爱你。圣经说敬畏神的人–而不是吸引人的、有魅力的或者让我感觉良好的人–会得着称赞。难道你不想和这样的人谈恋爱吗？基督徒至高的财宝是耶稣，不信主的人最宝贵的却不是基督耶稣，你们不会有深层次的合一和共同的目标。你们行进的方向会截然相反！

What is dating for?
为什么要谈恋爱？

The two outcomes of a dating relationship are: marriage or breaking up.  So, dating’s purpose is to determine if you should marry. 1 Corinthians 7:39 says we’re to marry ‘only in the Lord.’ (another Christian).  2 Corinthians 6:14 says, ‘Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.’  If you’re pursuing an unbeliever in a deepening romantic relationship that could lead to marriage, you are going against the commands in the Bible and compromising your love for Christ by pursuing a forbidden marriage.

一段恋情会有两种结果：婚姻或者分手。所以，谈恋爱的目的是要决定你们是否要结婚。哥林多前书7：39说我们要“只在主里“（跟另外一个信徒）婚嫁。哥林多后书6：14说：”信与不信不可同负一轭。“如果你追求跟一位非信徒建立一段不断深入、可能会步入婚姻的浪漫感情，那么你就违背了圣经的命令，为了追求被禁止的婚姻而牺牲了对基督的爱。

If you are dating only to evangelize or become friends, extreme caution should be taken.  Spending one on one time with the opposite sex, sharing deep and emotional things most often leads to physical attraction and sexual temptation.  Proverbs 4:23 says, ‘Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.’ 1 Corinthians 15:33 says, ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’ And 2 Timothy 2:22 says, ‘…flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness…’. Why date and put yourself in a compromising or dangerous situation?  Just go out with a group of friends or introduce them to mature Christians of their gender if this is your true aim!

如果仅仅是为了传福音或交朋友而约会，那么应当极度谨慎。跟异性单独相处，分享深层次的情感问题往往会带来身体上的吸引和性方面的试探。箴言4：23说：“你要保守你心，胜过保守一切，因为一生的果效是由心发出。“ 哥林多前书15：33说：”滥交是败坏善行。“提摩太后书2：22说：”…逃避少年的私欲….追求公义…”为什么在谈恋爱时妥协，让自己身处一个危险的境地呢？如果传福音和交朋友真的是你的目标，那么跟一群朋友一起外出，或者把他们介绍给同性别的成熟的基督徒朋友吧！

What did God create marriage for?
神为什么要创造婚姻？

Marriage was created for the service of God in His world through:
创造婚姻是为了要在神的世界里通过以下几种方式来服侍神：

1. 1. Partnership- Eve was made as a necessary ‘helper’ to work in union with Adam to accomplish the great tasks God assigned.  She was not created because he was simply lonely.  Christian marriages are to focus together on love, service and obedience to God.  They are to encourage one another toward godliness and maturity in Christ. How can an unbeliever do this?
   2. Procreate- in marriage we are to ‘be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and have dominion over it.’ Genesis 1:27-28. Christian parents are to raise children ‘in the discipline and instruction of the Lord’ and raise up another generation under God’s rule to care for his world.  How can an unbeliever do this?
   3. Sexual Intimacy and Living Picture- Christian marriage is a gospel picture to the world of Jesus, the groom and his bride, the church.  We portray God-honoring sexual intimacy, delight, purity, life-long faithfulness, order, leadership, submission and self-sacrificial love to all around us.  How can an unbeliever do this?

1. 1. 伙伴关系—-创造夏娃是让她作为亚当必不可少的“帮助者”，跟亚当一同工作来完成神赋予的伟大任务。她被造不单是因为亚当孤单一人。基督徒夫妇要注重彼此相爱、互相服侍和一起顺服神。他们要彼此鼓励，一起追求在基督里的敬虔和成熟。一个非信徒怎么可以做到这一点呢？
   2. 繁衍后代—-在婚姻里我们要“生养众多，遍满地面，治理这地” ，创世纪1;27-28。基督徒父母要“按着主的教训”来养育子女，要以神的规则养育下一代以照管祂的世界。一个不信主的人怎么可以做到这一点？
   3. 性生活的亲密和鲜活的画面—-基督徒的婚姻是一副福音画，描绘耶稣的世界，新郎耶稣和新妇教会。我们展示荣耀神的性的亲密、愉悦、纯洁、一生一世的忠实、秩序、领导权、降服和对身边所有人的自我牺牲的爱。不信主的人又怎么能做到这一点？

An extra bonus: Warnings against marrying unbelievers and forbidding intermarriage between religions appears all through the Bible.  It led to the downfall of numerous kings, the turning away of generations of children and invited destruction from the Lord.  To think you will keep following Jesus even with an unbelieving spouse is naive, dismissive of God’s wise warnings and grossly underestimates your own weakness.

额外的奖赏：整本圣经中都有警告，不要跟非信徒结婚、禁止跨宗教婚姻。这种婚姻使诸多国王败落，使几代人背离神，带来神的毁灭。觉得你的配偶就算是非信徒你也一样可以跟随耶稣，哪就太天真了，而且是无视神智慧的警告，也大大低估了自己的软弱。

These aren’t simply rules from an overbearing God, but the loving protection of a good and wise father who knows what will bring you the greatest joy and what will cause you the deepest despair.

这些并不是神专横的规则，而是天父良善和智慧的保护，祂知道什么会带给你极大的喜乐，什么会令你深深绝望。

The truth is probably that you sometimes feel lonely, desire companionship, are scared God won’t or can’t provide for your needs and don’t want to be alone the rest of your life.  Right?  You’re not alone.  Haven’t we all felt these things at times?  Beloved, if God did not withhold His perfect Son to rescue you from your sins, He will not withhold anything you truly need in this life as you seek to know and follow him.  You can trust him.  He knows exactly what you need!

事实是，有些时候可能你会觉得形单影只，想要人陪伴，或害怕神不会或者不能赐给你一位自己需要的人，而你又不想寂寞地度此余生，对吗？并非只有你一人如此。我们难道不都是时不时有这样的感觉吗？蒙爱的人啊，如果神为了救你脱离罪而不爱惜自己完美的儿子，那么在你寻求认识和追随祂时，祂更不会有任何保留地赐给你真正需要的一切。你可以信靠祂。祂完全明了你的需要！