Leading Kids with Loving Discipline || 爱的管教

This Spiritual Waimai is a part of a series entitled: Kids are Awesome: Leading the Next Generation of Faith. These articles are specifically written for anyone who is leading young children to grow in faith. We hope they can also be applied to leading younger generations of all ages.

这篇属灵外卖是 “小羊的力量：如何引领下一代的信仰”系列文章之一。本系列专为帮助引导孩童在信心之路上成长的同工而作。我们希望这些文章也能应用在不同年龄阶段的青少年事工中。

Children’s behavior and hearts need to be disciplined. Because we love our children, we will discipline them in love and with kindness. Our goal for our children is not just good behavior but also hearts that are turned towards the Lord.

孩子的行为和心灵需要被管教。因为我们爱我们的孩子，我们会用爱和良善来管教他们。我们的目标不仅仅是要孩子有良好的行为，还要有归向主的心。

As youth leaders, we purpose to cultivate the hearts of our children which includes teaching them to live a life following God’s Word. For children this includes instruction in the Bible as well as training in obedience and good behavior. From a young age we want our children to be doers of the Word, not just be hearers.

作为主领，我们的目的是培养孩子们的心智，包括教导他们遵从Shen的话语生活。对小孩子而言，这包括圣经中的教导以及顺服和良好行为的训练。我们希望我们的孩子从小就是行道者，而不仅仅是听道者。

Our nature from birth is sinful. Therefore, children need to be taught God’s ways which includes obedience to God and others and appropriate behavior. We are not naturally obedient; therefore we need to be trained by others and God to live God’s way.

我们的本性从出生起就是罪恶的，因此，孩子们需要接受Shen的教导，包括顺服Shen、顺服人，以及合宜的行为。我们不是天生就顺服的，因此需要接受来自Shen和人的陶造，去活出Shen的样式。

Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
Psalms‬ 51:5‬ NIV‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬

 

我是在罪孽里生的，在我母亲怀胎的时候就有了罪。
诗篇51：5

Biblical Basis for Loving Discipline
爱的管教之圣经基础

1. We discipline because of love and for love
我们因为爱也为了爱而管教

It is out of a heart of love that we discipline children. Because we love them, we want what is best for them. Therefore, a parent or leader must have a loving relationship with a child to truly discipline them. When the child knows they are loved, and they can then receive from the leader.

我们管教孩子是出于爱。因为我们爱他们，所以想给他们最好的。因此，主领必须和孩子建立爱的关系，才能真正地管教他们。孩子知道他们是被爱的，然后才能接受主领的管教。

Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.
Proverbs‬ 13:24‬ NIV‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬

 

不忍用杖打儿子的，是恨恶他；疼爱儿子的，随时管教。
箴言 13：24

God loves us even when we are disobedient sinners! Because He loves us, His Holy Spirit leads us to repentance. Out of response to God’s love, we are obedient. We want our children to obey in a context of love as well.

即使我们是不顺服的罪人，Shen依然爱我们！ 因为他爱我们，他的圣灵引导我们悔改。出于对Shen的爱的回应，我们是顺服的。我们也希望我们的孩子在爱的环境中顺服。

If you love me, keep my commandments.

John 14:15 NIV

 

你们若爱我，就必遵守我的命令。

约翰福音14：15

2. We discipline in kindness not in anger and in due measure
我们管教是用仁慈而不是怒气，并以适当的措施

Children’s bad behavior can be frustrating, but we must be careful not to let the child dictate our emotions with their bad behavior, therefore we do not discipline our children in anger. Our Heavenly Father does not discipline us in His anger, if He did, we would be completely destroyed. He disciplines us in kindness and with the correct amount. When we discipline children, we do not express angry emotion and we make sure the amount of discipline is appropriate for that child.

孩子的不良行为可能令人沮丧，但是我们必须小心，不要让孩子用他们的不良行为支配我们的情绪，因此我们不要在生气时管教孩子。我们的天父不会在他的愤怒中管教我们，如果他这样做了，我们早就灭亡了。他用他的恩慈适度管教我们。当我们管教孩子时，我们不应表达愤怒的情绪，也要确保对孩子的管教是适当的。

Lord, do not rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your wrath. Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am faint; heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony.

Psalms‬ 6:1-2‬ NIV‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬

 

耶和华啊，求你不要在怒中责备我，也不要在烈怒中惩罚我！耶和华啊，求你可怜我，因为我软弱。耶和华啊，求你医治我，因为我的骨头发战。

诗篇6：1-2

 

 

Discipline me, Lord, but only in due measure- not in your anger, or you will reduce me to nothing.

Jeremiah 10:24

 

耶和华啊，求你从宽惩治我，不要在你的怒中惩治我，恐怕使我归于无有。

耶利米书 10：24

3. We discipline with a goal
我们管教是有目标的

We do not discipline children to get back at them or to make them feel bad. We discipline them with the goal of them changing their behavior and cultivating their hearts. The Pharisees had fantastic behavior, but their hearts were full of wickedness. Our goal for our children is not just good behavior, it is a contrite spirit, a heart that is turned towards the Lord.

我们管教孩子不是为了报复他们，或让他们有不好的感受。我们管教的目的是改变他们的行为，栽培灌溉他们的心。法利赛人有非常好的行为，但是他们的心里充满邪恶。我们的目的不只是良好的行为，而是忧伤痛悔的灵和一颗归向主的心。

No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

Hebrews‬ 12:11‬ NIV‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬

 

凡管教的事，当时不觉得快乐，反觉得愁苦；后来却为那经练过的人结出平安的果子，就是义。

希伯来书12：11

We look for ways to guide our children to the right behaviors so that they can learn to make good decisions on their own out of a heart that desires to be obedient. This will produce righteousness and peace in their lives for years to come.

我们寻找方法来引导孩子做正确的行为，这样他们出于一颗渴望顺服的心，就能学会自己做出正确的决定。这将使得他们未来的岁月里有公义和平安随行。

Loving Discipline Five Practices
爱的管教五步曲

As leaders of children, we can use five practices as we strive to use loving discipline to shape our children’s actions and hearts.

作为主领，我们将通过五项练习努力用爱的管教来塑造我们孩子的行为和心灵。

1. 1. Simple Rules 简单规则
   2. Daily Routine 日常惯例
   3. Clear Direction 清晰指令
   4. Engaging activities 参与活动
   5. Rewards and guidance 奖励和引导

Simple Rules
简单规则

Listen 倾听
Be loving 去爱
Try your best 尽最大努力

“I will listen, be loving and try my best.”
“我会倾听、去爱并尽最大努力。”

Simple rules give clear expectations to our children. When they do not meet our expectations (have poor behavior), we can objectively point them to our simple rules.

简单的规则给孩子清晰的期望。当他们没有达到我们的预期（有不良行为时），我们可以客观地引导他们遵守我们简单的规则。

Daily Routine
日常惯例

When leading children, it is best to have a schedule that remains the same every week. Children know what to expect and can anticipate transitions.

当我们带领孩子的时候，最好是每周都遵循同一个时间表，这样孩子们心里就有一个预期，也清楚地知道什么时候会切换到下一个环节。

Our children follow our daily routine of sitting nicely in chairs or on the floor, lining up when it is time to move, cleaning up when an activity is finished. When parents or leaders use a daily routine, children learn the way they are expected to act, and they learn to be confident in following the instructions.

孩子们遵循我们引导的惯例，比如好好地坐在椅子上或地板上，需要移动时排好队，活动结束时做清理。当家长或主领们使用日常惯例时（小编注：“日常惯例”即什么时候该做什么事/听到什么指令该做什么事），孩子们就越发地知道他们该怎么做，也因此而越来越有自信。

Clear Direction
清晰方向

When we use the same simple instructions again and again, children know better how to respond and can feel good about themselves when they quickly obey. Leaders can use the same words and hand motions (cues) for reoccurring commands such as stand up, sit down, raise hands.

当主领一遍又一遍地使用相同的简单指令时，孩子们就会更好的知道如何回应，并且当他们很快地服从时，就会自我感觉良好。主领们使用相同的词语和手势（或提示）来重复命令，如站起来、坐下、举手。

Good example: “Please put the shaker on the floor.”
正面举例：“请将摇铃放在地板上”

Bad example: “When I give you the instrument, I want you to immediately put it on the ground, don’t play with it yet.”
反面举例：“当我给你乐器时，我是想要你立刻把它放在地上，还不能拿着它玩哦～”

Cues give time for children to successfully obey. The leader cannot demand immediate response and obedience from the children. Cues are used alert the children to what needs to be done and gives them time to successfully respond. Examples of cues:

提示为孩子们成功地服从指令提供了时间。主领不能要求孩子们立即做出反应和服从。提示可以用来提醒孩子们需要做什么，并给他们时间来成功地做出反应。提示的例子：

• Quiet the children 提醒孩子安静

“1, 2, 3, 4, 5, shhhhh.”
“1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 嘘～”

 

• Sit down 提醒孩子坐下

Sit down now, sit down now, we all sit down.
快坐下，快坐下，我们一块儿都坐下

 

• Clean up 提醒孩子清理

Clean up, clean up, everybody everywhere,
Clean up, clean up, everybody do your share.
收拾整理，物归原处
收拾整理，我们一起分工合作物归原处。

 

• Repeat after me! And do as I do!
  看我做什么，然后跟我做～

Engaging Activities
参与活动

Bad behavior may develop when children are bored or just need to move their bodies. The leader must be well prepared with many activities that will keep the children’s interest.

当孩子们感到无聊或者只是需要移动他们的身体时，不良行为就可能会发生。主领必须准备好充足的活动，以保持孩子们的兴趣。

• Plan many activities and move quickly from one activity to the next.
  计划许多活动，并迅速从一个活动切换到下一个活动

A good rule to follow is the number of minutes a child can focus on one task is the same number as their age. For young children, the leader then must plan many different activities. Be ready to move from one activity to the next not leaving much time for children to get bored or wander away.

一个行之有效的规则是，孩子专注于一项任务的分钟数与他们的年龄是一致的。对于年幼的孩子，主领必须计划许多不同的活动，准备好从一个活动切换到下一个活动，不要给孩子留下太多的时间感到无聊或走开。

• Give time for children to frequently move their bodies
  给孩子们时间，让他们经常移动自己的身体

Children should not sit in their seats for too long. The leader can lead the children to stand up and move throughout the lesson to help kids “get the wiggles out.”

孩子们不应该被要求在座位上坐太久。主领可以带领孩子们站起来，在整个课程中不断移动身体，帮助孩子们离开他们身体里隐藏的那个“摇摆小精灵”

• Use props to catch their interest
  利用小道具抓住他们的兴趣

A toy, picture or object can capture a child’s interest more than just listening to a leader’s words. Use props that children can hold in their own hands. This will engage their eyes, minds and bodies.

一件玩具、一幅画或其他物品，比仅仅听主领讲课更能引起孩子的兴趣。使用孩子们可以拿在自己手里的道具，这将吸引他们的眼睛、思想和身体。

Rewards and Guidance
奖励和引导

Rewards are used to encourage good behavior, guidance is used to divert bad behavior.

奖励是用于鼓励良好的行为，引导是用于转移不好的行为。

Rewards
奖励

The purpose of rewards is to highlight a child’s good behavior with the goal of them repeating that good behavior. Rewards are especially important for children who do not often display good behavior. The loving leader will look for every opportunity to reward good behavior! We want to give our children a taste of how good it can feel when they are obedient! Our big goal is for their hearts to love doing the right thing.

奖励的目的是为了突出孩子的良好行为，目的是让他们重复良好的行为。奖励对于那些经常表现不好的孩子来说尤其重要。有爱心的主领会寻找一切机会奖励良好行为！我们想要孩子们品尝到当他们学会顺服时良好的感觉。我们大的目标是让他们的满心欢喜地做正确的事！

• Give a high five. 来个击掌

Everyone loves a high five! It is fast, free and feels good! It is a quick way to publicly affirm a child’s good behavior without losing the momentum of your teaching.

每个人都喜欢击掌！ 它迅速、自由并感觉很好！这是一种在不影响你的教学节奏情况下，可以公开肯定一个孩子的良好行为的快速方法。

• Specific praise 具体称赞

When you observe a child’s good behavior, praise them with your words in front of others. Be as specific as possible.

当你观察到一个孩子的良好行为时，当众称赞表扬他。越具体越好！

Good example: “Thank you Joey for sitting in your seat as soon as I asked you to sit down! You listened with your ears and followed instructions!”
Bad example: “Great job Joey! You are awesome!”

好的示例：“谢谢Joey一听到我请你坐下就迅速坐在了你的座位上，你用心听我的话，并且马上做到了我要求大家做的事情！”

不好的示例：“做的好Joey！你真棒！”

• Obedience Sticker
  顺服贴纸

Each child may have their own obedience sticker chart. They will receive a sticker when they display good behavior. They will not receive a sticker for giving the right answer, the obedience sticker is only for good behavior. Stickers should be given immediately and for specific reasons.

每个孩子都会拥有他们自己的服从贴纸排行榜单。当他们表现良好时，会收到一枚贴纸。他们不会因为给出正确的答案而得到一个贴纸，服从贴纸只是为了奖励良好的行为。贴纸应当立即给与并且是基于具体的原由。

As soon as the leader gives the child the sticker, they will put it on their Obedience Sticker Chart. When they reach 7 stickers, they may choose a prize from the Treasure Box.

主领一给孩子贴纸，他们就马上贴在自己的服从贴纸排行榜上。达到7枚时，就可以从百宝盒里选择一个奖品。

Good example: “Thank you Julia for cleaning up as soon as I asked you to. You get a sticker! Please put it on your sticker chart.”
Bad example: “Boys and girls, you all did such a wonderful job in class today, everyone gets a sticker!”

好的示例：“谢谢Julia, 我请你清理时马上就去做了。你得到一枚贴纸！请将它贴在你的贴纸表上。”
不好的示例：“孩子们，今天你们在班级的表现都非常好，每人得一枚贴纸！”

Guidance
引导

When a child is heading towards disobedience or if they are displaying bad behavior, the leader can use guidance to lead the child back to obedient behavior.

当孩子走向不顺服或者表现出不良行为时，主领可以引导孩子回到顺服的行为。

1. Say the name: The leader calmly calls the child’s name.
   说出名字：主领平静地叫出孩子的名字。

 

2. Teacher face: The leader looks at the child directly with a stern face that says, “I know what you are doing.” This is not a mean face but a serious face with raised eyebrows.
   老师面孔：主领注视着孩子面容，严厉表达 “我知道你在做什么。”这个表情不是刻薄凶狠的，而是一张扬起眉头严肃的表情。

 

3. Touch the shoulder: The leader gently puts a hand on the child’s shoulder.
   触碰肩膀：主领轻轻地把手放在孩子的肩膀上。

 

4. Move near student: Leader walks near where the child is and continues to teach.
   移近学生：主领在这个孩子附近走动，并继续教学。

 

5. Switch seats: The leader switches the child’s chair with another child. This is especially helpful when two children are misbehaving together or bothering one another.
   交换座位：主领将这个孩子的椅子与另一个孩子的调换。当两个孩子调皮捣蛋或互相打扰时，这招特别有用。

 

6. Praise the neighbor: Praise the child or children sitting directly next to the child with bad behavior. Giving a sticker is the most powerful praise at this moment.
   表扬邻座：表扬行为不好的孩子旁边的孩子，此时给与贴纸是最有力的奖励。

When we use the five practices for loving discipline, we will be God’s instruments to guide our children to good behavior patterns. As leaders we will see our children grow and we will be reminded of how good it is for us also to follow our Heavenly Father’s loving discipline and guidance in our lives.

当我们使用这五种方法来操练爱的管教时，我们就是Shen的工具，来引导我们的孩子养成良好的行为模式。作为主领，我们会看到孩子们的成长。同时也会提醒我们，在生活中遵循天父爱的管教和引导是多么美好！

My son, keep your father’s command and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. Bind them always on your heart; fasten them around your neck. When you walk, they will guide you; when you sleep, they will watch over you; when you awake, they will speak to you. For this command is a lamp, this teaching is a light, and correction and instruction are the way to life.
Proverbs 6:20-23 NIV

 

‬‬我儿，要谨守你父亲的诫命；不可离弃你母亲的指教，要常系在你心上，挂在你项上。你行走，它必引导你；你躺卧，它必保守你；你睡醒，它必与你谈论。因为诫命是灯，指教是光，训诲的责备是生命的道。 箴言6：20-23‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬‬